Story Bout Me

“心痛得无法呼吸，找不到昨天留下的痕迹。。。

就像流星许个星愿，让你知道我爱你”

还记得这首歌曲吗？每每听到这首歌曲，都那么那么地牵动着我的心，以前如是，现在也如是。。。

我朋友借了有几百出电影DVD，让我在这个黄金假期好好销磨，翻来翻去，太多我想要看的电影，却拿不定主意要看哪一套。翻到一处，有一个“星に願いを”的DVD,我在猜想这会不会是我很喜欢的那出星愿？开来看，结果不是。是套日本电影。

电影开始在医院，一个开朗的护士。。。一个盲人。。。

少了任贤齐和张柏芝，是一些我不知道名字却很脸熟的日本人。故事大同小异，少了可爱的洋葱头，换来了粗俗的男主角。少了鹅公喉的张柏芝，却是一个开朗的女主角。少了天庭的那幕，少了色士风换上了口琴，少了任贤齐教苏永康吹色士风，少了任贤齐播电到电台说些感人的话，但故事还是那么地感动。可能我太累了吧，可能因为我也听不太懂，没字幕，好像少了一丝丝的感触，但还是被感动了。

让我想回起以前放学后一个人到电影院看电影的日子，这出电影，印象中我好像是一个人看的，还有次是跟朋友看的。哭了，被感动了。想回起朋友啊！想回起洋葱头说，闭上眼睛，好好感受身边的每一个人，世界会变得不一样。远方的朋友们啊！不知道你们现在在干什么呢？我在想你们。躺在床上，想象着我躺在海边的峭壁上，望着天空想着我的从前。电影掏出了感性的我，挖掘我的那些陈旧的回忆。还好，它们都还遗留着。虽然是疲惫了，回忆还是自然的浮现在脑海里头，最近好像很时常想回起从前的那些这些，是因为我太寂寞了，还是我的生活开始沉寂下来，让我和我多了沟通，多了思考。或许这是一件好事吧！以前每个星期这样出去，出去回来睡觉又出去，有时忘了今天是星期几，忘了昨天和谁出去做了什么，连妈也在抱怨整天不见人影。

明天要出去逛街了！学长邀的，去到一个我还没到过的地方。不知道要花多少钱了，哈！嗯。。。走走看看，想买些衣服啊！来这里只有一条牛仔裤，每次出去都穿一样的，和一件白西装，每天都穿一样的，就要发臭了。

刚才又到日本人朋友的房间聊了聊，介绍了很多我没听过的曲子，还告诉我，进朋友的房间不必敲门的。朋友。。。

好啦！之前说不到日本朋友家住，改变主意了，因为看到他的诚意。还有那个Toeic考试考不成了，人数不足。

ape cete die ari? asal dlm bm plak…rasenye sume orang pn bleh bace blog dlm bm gak kut…hehe

cete pasal mber, sbb tu ah dlm bm. aku x tau wujudnya mber dlm makna lain sehinggalah aku mber ngan mber aku. hehe! pehe x pehe?

aku da datang ke jepun ni dah lebih kuang sebulan da…mber…ade ke x? x tau lagi ah, esok aku pg umah mber jepun aku utk singgah 1 mlm. sebelum ni rase segan nk duk umah orang jepun, lagipn x kenal lame sgt tuh…lagi2, x tau ah macam mane adat dn resam dlm umah orang jepun nih…haha!

aku dpt mber sejak taun lepas, ble campur clas dlm ppktj. mula2 aku nih segan nk tegur sape2 je dlm klas…same ah ngan skang nih. mula2 aku segan utk tegur, tp, skang ni aku bleh main2 cam budak ngan mereka, ganding bahu cete rahsia, bisik2 pastuh gelak kuat2…haha! itu zaman pelajar. teringat balik zaman masa tingkatan 5 plak.mase tu bukannye rapat sgt ngan budak2 melayu pn, tp skang ni terase plak aku ni balik ke zaman persekolahan. tp dgr cete, pn limah da blah dr sab. ade orang epi, are orang sedih kut!?!?!? x terpikir aku ni de peluang lagi balik ke zaman sekolah lepas kuar dr sab…rasenye x de budak sekolah bace blog nih kut, hargai la mase2 kenangan manis tuh…

skang ni mber jauh2 dari tempat aku, nk jumpe pn kene brape jam. bukan susah nk jumpe klo ade hati, ngan kemalangan yg berlaku baru2 ni, takut plak tah2 tren yg aku naik tu timpa kemalangan…

k ah, sampai sini la cete ari nih…blog dlm bm rasenye x sentimental sgt. kelak cete dlm bc lagi lah sentimental kut…ciaozzzz

do u think tat life is fair? when good things came, we will say it’s all luck, when bad things came, we blame the world. but, between you and the universe, that’s no agreement. life is on how you do, bad things happen onli when  we choose to do them. o, we would not appreciate the good things without the bad things. hm, the world never go wrong, how the world will be if everyday onli good things happen…

for me?

hm, i seldom blame luck. bcoz i admit to luck. wat we get today is fixed, n actually u stil hav the choice in ur hand to make it better.that’s it…

if tears is a bad thing, then today will be my good day. o, would be…

today yeah, feel no burden in me. my fren said, luckily i stil hav tears, earlier in the morning i read it. how lucky i am? i never noe the feelings where i’m not lucky that i dun hav tears. many ppl told me i’m lucky to have tears, n oh yeah, i’m lucky.

life is on ur choice to be change. today, i tok a lot wif a lot of classmate. mayb juz fooling around, mayb juz speaking empty, mayb juz like a small kid, mayb he is saying something tat i definitely dun understand. but, i had day tat i never tok to anyone in one day, and today i talked a lot. did i start conversation? yeah…supposed to be. o today my face looked frenly.

next week is japan golden week. public holidays from 29/4 til 5/5, one week. there are some company o skul open at 2/5, but it depends. i asked a fren whether i can stayed in railway station. i thought tat, it is fun, as i heard some stories says tat there are back packers stay in railway station. my japanese frens al gave me a unbelievable respond. wat!? it’s dangerous, it’s cold, it’s lonely. n, there were 3 of them offered to stay in their house. tat made me feel warm ya, n tat is the good things i got today. yeah…though i refused, though i stil struggling how shud i do, i’m happy bcoz there were somebody offered. small matter? mayb…

today, 26/4/2005. one month b4, wat was i doing? struggling packing, downloading songs into my harddisc, counting down, n avoid myself thinking how would i be when i come to jap. few more days, one month anniversary, nothing to be celebrate yeah. but will goin out lah…

come to end of month la, u noe how much my phone bills? 10889yen—rm392.004. extremely expensive yeah! haha…onli for the first month lah, cal a lot when first get frens’ no…ha! but i onli called home once, onli for bout 400++yen…hah! it’s me. sometimes juz simply make a cal, tok tok tok, half hours past away n dunno how much it cost. ha! too long d ah…ciaoz…

Finally i knew one thing. i knew y i bought tissues in 100yen shop…ha…i cried…nothing to be shame yah!?

listened to radio, oh…it’s mother’s day. suddenly i realized. mother’s day is coming. tat time i was writing postcard, so, made a decision to send home a postcard too. tat time, no sad feelings yeah…

when i wrote til, this yr is the first yr mother’s day i not at home yah. juz suddenly my eyes feel warm…yeah…missing home? feeling sad? juz tat dunno y suddenly such a deep feeling come into myself…yah…tat’s y i din wanna c my photos all this while. i understand myself…it juz happened few minutes ago yah, til now, cant stop… … … … … …

suppose this is a sad story? hm…today volley ball training time had a match. with gals. 5 guys n 6gals, actually can consider as 4guys onli. as, i definitely out. many mistakes i made, i din wanted to play at first, but no choice to be. many marks lost by me ah, captain praised me after match tat i made good serve. but, i’m not satisfy. i dun even noe how the formation is, how the formation go. n games juz start like tat. i was told to be the right one. so i stood on my position, how i noe actually gotta change every serve yeah…n there was time gotta stand further front n time gotta ready stand behind. ball served from the other mus pass the one called setter.oh ya, tat’s wat i learn in this match. but i kept on blame myself made the game lost. hm…i din hav enuf hardwork in it.

i took decision to take toeic english test. how much confidence a hav? i dunno. i seems to be good in english since i came here. as, it’s compared to english. i shud try, n get a shock wif my result, then onli i will work hard on my english. juz tat,we all gotta take the test next yr. but i try my luck this time. it’s on mid of next month. b4 i forgot my english, juz simply sit for a test first. anyway, it’s stil not comfirmed yet whether i can sit for it o not. as this time is not a compulsory test. if cant get at least 10 person, then cancel.

hm…i brought a lot of my old photos here. but i never flip my photo album b4. mayb shud say tat i dun dare to c. too many memories  i made for myself. every photo every person every smile every place every moment, i left different things there. it stil there, it ’s onli depends on whether i wanna flash back o not. hm…accidentally found the cd my fren gave me b4 i came here. first time i c it. their smiles, their laugh. made me feel warm, there muz be a nice moment. the one i dislike, the one i avoided, the one i teased, the one i walked together, the one i frened wif, the one i like to tell story…………………how r they?

everyone telling me i got a lot of frens, muz juz dunno y i got time totally empty in my heart. apart of my heart. there r ppl show smiley face in ym but never respond. there r ppl wont reply msg immediately when i sent. took out the numbers tat i brought from msia, wanted to search a 012 no. to send msg using the hotlink websms, who will immediately reply? as the chat session wil automatically close if no reply in 15mins. who will dun care the expensive cost of the sms as 15 cents to reply me? hm…yeah they are. juz tat i havent found them out, hided a part of my phone book? yeah…

am i sad today? it’s good to hav some failure sometimes so tat i will work harder next time…c ya!

Today, saturday…

Din went anywhere, wake up at 12pm, went for lunch. Then online, play NFS U2, watch anime GTO. Listened to Myfm b4 i left for volley ball training. It was Leehom interview session, accidently get to listen.He’s having his concert in Malaysia in july. but i cant go, his concert 2 years ago is a sweet memory to me. he’s great! din mention tat he plan to come to japan, hm…mayb next time…Went to volley ball training for bout 2hrs. The captain purposely come from place bout 2 n 1/2 hrs away to here to train me. he praised me, but i told myself not to be proud. stil a big gap to bcum pro…

come back from training, online met a fren juz got his hp in jap. made a cal…then went for dinner. til now, sitting in front of pc bloging…

i feel tat life is easy n lifely, it’s so meaning. a `gan dong` came in my heart but i dunno how to express. after so long rushing n hanging around wif fren, since years ago…seldom hav whole day never go out ya. hm…this is feeling after going here n there for so long…i like it. but tmr’s outing came into my mind, where i gonna go? still dunno yet…mayb yeah, mayb not…c ya!

mayb for somebody, it’s not wat a big deal…but to me. i was happy, n touching. it juz happened, but i juz wanna share. as usual, i came back from volley ball training, n went to canteen alone. line up as usual, greet as usual, get my meal as usual. from far i saw my classmate, sat wif some other fren, in a big gang. i din wanna join, so juz simply sit alone at a big table. it’s nothing to me sitting alone ah. suddenly tat’s someone came to sit beside me. it’s normal if he juz came for meal, but i saw his plates, he was half taken, he was the one i saw from far juz now. i came wif shocked, asked y? ha…he said bcoz i was alone, come n accompany. by then, another came oso. i asked same q, he said i looked simphathy, came n accompany me too.  hm, as, they r not really tat close wif me, but at least can say a fren ah. i felt warm, n the meal become delicous. not bcoz the meal itself delicous, but ppl i taken wif. i took the chance to chat wif them, not like as usual i kept quiet n listen to them. hm…they r nice, thank you…

i typed some stories last nite, but dunno wat’s wrong wif the internet line o the frenster server…din reach..gotta tell one more time? hm…

was about english…u noe my english standard as u read my blog. bad rite?hm…but it doesn’t seems to be bad in japan. once in the english class, i was asked to answer a question. i stil remember the answer is, my hobby is collecting pictures postcards. simple rite? tat’s wat we doin now…i juz simply read as normal, of coz not in japanese style english. after i read, whole class is like get too shock o wat…"wowwwww!", treated me like lecturer, more o less like a god. haha! i din purposely wanna speak english diff from them, but if follow their style to speak japanese, unable. so…dun think ur english is too lauzy if u at least can read my blog, in japan, mayb u r the top. who knows…

another story, i joined volley ball n japan tea ceremony club. never think of it rite? i seldom exercise, even when i free. sitting in from of pc exercise my fingers will be my favourite. but, seriously i joined volley ball club. for wat reason…of coz not that i’m interested in volley ball, i thought of join a club, when i came here. frens i got were in volley ball, even the first japanese guy who came into my room to chat wif me. so, juz simply follow them ah. as their members are not many, n i noe most of them, so it’s better ah. if got wat senior there wanna show their power to bully ppl o wat, better dont join lah. tat time was i juz simply nothing to do so juz visit their training, dunno y, one of my fren taught me basics. as i never play proper volley ball b4…after the training, juz simply over lah. n the next time, i juz simply went there to take photos. shows in my photo ah…the cute gal oso taken tat time. i was waiting their invitation, n the captain seems to be like waiting my inisiative to take action first. after al, i took decision to join volley ball club ah. learn from 0, getting better now but not pro. but i got a chance to bcum representative of my col, ha. our record was 0win ####loses. how wil it change after i join?we wil c…

n bout the tea ceremony club, i was simply invited ah. i was no idea wif tat club, so juz simply went to the club, wif another foreign student. first time juz went there for tea n cakes. second time was taught to serve ppl. haha! never thought of doin such thing in my whole life. i got a chance to bcum waiter in a tea ceremony next month. ha! the club is al female member, i am one of the male member out of 3.the other 2 are foreign student oso. quite lazy to go oso lah, but i was dunno how to refuse ah. juz let it be…sitting in japanese style quite suffer ah, tat one even japanese can stand for it.haha!

hm…i was thinking in the class yday. as usual, i hardly concentrate to wat lecturer said, thought of study myself in hostel. but…u noe lah….2yrs b4, i cant speak jap at all, today, i’m in japan attending a class fully in japanese, except for some numbers. lecturer was telling jokes in front, everybody laughed, i laughed. not bcoz tat i understand wat the jokes means, juz tat the lecturer’s face looks very funny. ha! there were times tat lecturer laugh alone, it’s bcoz it’s not funny? o tat lecturer not a good joke teller. i wondered, but i dunno. he was A blood type, expect everything for perfect. he even cant stand to c ppl’s clothes untidy n corrected it. hm…such a jap. i heard tat mostly jap are A type, tat’s y they r hardworking. but i wondered y everybody was sleeping in the class. i dunno who holding the record never sleep in class, but i guess no one. including me…they will reading novel, playing games, o listening to earphone, if u c they r not sleeping. who’s fault actually? modern country? there were student who are slow, he did ask lecturer question, but came back wif unfriendly respond. lecturer did ask understand? when question came out, he answer in the way tat he expected we shud understood bout it. so, answer like din answer ah. it is bcoz of student din show the desire of learning, o tat is the style of lecturer. not onli one…seriously…wondered y. everywhere in jap like this? for me, luckily i hav learned bout it b4, if not, sure i will die oso…

so, story stop here today. today onli i noe i actually can blog in chinese.

我住在海边

但是听不到海浪声

因为没有海浪

房间里寂寞的声音

用音乐盖过了

但我还听见，

昨天， 我们的笑声

         谈话声

         祝福

         还有   -    思念

忘记我了吗？

该走的总该走了，留得下的，只在心中无限的空间

惋惜吗？

只要想，至少，

至少

我曾经拥有过

looks like i cant continue to tell story day by day over here ah,  when i feel like it bcum a must to myself, then better i stop doin it la, dun wanna suffer myself mah. so, juz simply make a conclusion ah. dunno bcoz i to old telling too  much story, o i type too slow. it really take times for a to do a blog over here…haah! for those who read my blogs, thanks ya, plz let me noe, juz simply a hi in comment, so tat i noe tat’s someone reading my blogs. so tat i dun feel like i telling story to myself onli ah…

today is already 19/4/2005, i forgot a  fren bday last week. if she reading this blog, happy belated bday ya…

the sixth day, will be the new comer ceremony ah. we dun hav to do anything, the ceremony juz like our graduation last time. gotta stand n sit for how many times, sing national antumn. quite early the ceremony over. in the ceremony, first time i tok to the japanese guy ah. sat beside me, at first we r quiet onli. til, i gotta start first, flash over my head. quite ok ah happy can chat wif jap guy ah, but, i am a bored guy, now, we even seldom greet lah. but i will remember he’s the first guy i tok to. juz tat, at first he quite active to tok to me, juz tat, i dunno how to respond, din giv a good respond to him mayb. tat’s y lor…

wat happened in this 2 weeks ah, skul start. af first al the lecturer will take care o us ah, write in english meaning, tok slower a bit, asked us understand o not. now even got tuition class to replace the national language n economics class. get shocked when i c al of them sleeping in chemistry class, the lecturer is very skema wat ppl say, he can juz look up to the roof o facing the blackboard to tok. he noe we dun listen to him, but he juz simply act like nothing. when class almost over, he will check whether we take notes o not. but anyway, student can juz simply take other’s notes to let lecturer check.haha! there is teacher tok himself laugh himself, got teacher will scold a lot n din tok when he really get burned.

lecturer will wake those who sleeping up, but few minutes later they will sleep back. ha! a lecturer told a story, last time he threw duster to a student who was sleeping when he was really get mad. but unfortunately, the student beside him got thrown by the lecturer.haah! since tat, he dun throw duster anymore.haha, he’s A blood type, so he wan everything in perfect. like today he saw a student’s tie din tide neatly, he purpose go n correct it. ya…A type, a lot in jap.

hm…wat else to tell. went to karaoke from 11pm to 6am. for about 1400yen onli, (rm50).got one drink. ok ah, i fell asleep in bout 4am in the morning. it’s like a foreign student party, my col n another col nearby one. 5 of us, as i’m the newcomer to japan. seriously not many jap songs a noe. tat’s a lot of chinese songs there oso, but i alone listening to chinese songs onli. no partner tat time. ha…most of the video clips are not the original MTV ah. last time in malaysia thought tat so lauzy one y no original video clips. ah..same in japan…

after the karaoke, straight away go to a place call miya jima. for hanami, (c flower). of coz, it’s sakura ah. tok some pictures ya…plz visit my side to c lah.the flowers r really nice, but everyone of us were already so tired. not really in mood to see flowers ah. sakura wont be nice wif one itself.when u c whole tree wif sakura, n when wind blow, sakura drops on our body, wow, nice man! sakura open for one week onli. so next time anyone wanna c, plz make appointment ah. one yr cant bring to many ppl to c ya…haha!

hm…last weekend, went to another island. as, like a vacation. the place is nice, the sea is nice, very clear til u can c fish swimming. ha. wondered y my col din build here. and, i even went into hot spring ya. do u noe japanese hot spring al naked one? hm…really, first time i seen it. not that thing i meant, first time i see so many ppl naked together. of coz they r not playing, as that is the way they take bath.shower first, then juz get ourselves into the hot spring for bout 20minutes, then shower again. tat’s it. the water is quite hot, but it really feel nice ya. when u come out from the water, u will feel like ur blood flowing so fast. but in my case, there’s diff pool, one wif jaccuzi, one wif herbal n one normal hot spring. i went into diff pool for dunno how many minutes, then went into sauna. then a guy told me it’s good to get into cold water after sauna. juz simply get into it. yeah, it’s nice, but mayb coz of too excited. felt like my heard turning n turning ah…headache. but luckily after a while, ok ah. a good experience ah, juz dun think bout naked, spring is very nice. anyway, even japanese wil cover their private parts wif tower lah. but nothing to be shy lah, al in the pool got the same things. size doesn’t matter.hahaa

that place oso got a strawberry farm, wow, mayb bought rm50, u can eat as many u wan. last time i din like strawberry, bcoz it’s sour. but for the first time i take sweet strawberry. it’s fresh, n it’s big…wow, i din take too much. things become not tasty when we take too much yah..so..juz for enuf. but worth it ah, nice strawberry. there is pictures in my photo too…hehe

wat else i did. goin everywhere, looking for travel guide book. thinking of where is my next station. i juz like travelling, study is my job to get scholarship, thinking of where is my next stop. as my home is so far away. home stil home, hard to make here as my home ah. as mayb u can say i hard to adapt new enviroment? juz the matter of the feel, the feel of ur home. it’s nothing can describe ah, u will feel diff when u enter ur house. yeah…suppose tobe..

now i havent start my study, as mayb i am lazy. this pc i using stil got problem n i really fared up ah. every weekend thinking of my journey, mayb i juz cool down myself to stay at my room. peaceful life…haha! ppl demostrate out there, but it is safe here. mayb not many ppl noe bout it? hm…

lastly i finished my story til today. at last, i juz simply feeling lonely today. ppl n ppl, distance are so far. ppl around, can c, but cant touch, cant reach. book is the best fren, i shud do more reading ah. as i seldom read since i was small. hm…c ya my fren, no more daily report, but there will be simply some words here…

i’m now in the library of my skul. stated tat onli for checking books in library, but i see everybody using internet. japan is actually not so strict lah…haha! as time goin on, i hardly get time to blog back things happened in my life. hm…like chasing wif time. c la…today i will get my pc in my room, mayb tat time i got more time to submit blogs. thax for haiydaa who read my blog, sure we will keep it touch.

4/4/2005. wow, first day of the skul, today juz a simple ceremony. i dunno anything, go to skul wif a indon guy. he’s new too, but he was in japan since last yr. anyway, it’s better to get a partner in life. i suppose…reach office looked for yamada who take care of us. then he bring us to principle’s room. he was rushing, felt like we were late tat time. a simply ceremony held in priciple’s room. lecturers tat i din c b4 lining beside facing the middle n principle standing by his desk. a lecturer tok tok tok, like welcome speech n else. then when name called, gotta walk in front n bow to principle. but we din rehersal b4, luckily din make mistake juz following wat ppl do. n…principle said, from now, u r student of hiroshima internation marine college…blah blah blah lah..i oso not sure wat was he toking bout. i was nervous, dunno anything. then got a tutor lecturer, asking how shud i being called. tat’s it….

go to hall. foreign student standing beside looking at those japanese students, u can c ppl making noise, lecturer asked them to shut up but din get any respond, even got ppl bring banana into hall. n ate. haha! so funny, can c ppl wearing singlet in that kind of cold weather. he is our president of student society. seniors wearing unformal, n i was nervous wat i gotta do later. a lot of ppl speech, then my turn to go up to the stage. i’m wong ghai leong from malaysia, plz call me wong. nice to meet u..tat’s it. it’s easy, n of coz in japanese. some fren told me, they told i will speak english tat time. another japanese told me to speak english oso, look cool. hah! but i din, even made mistake. tat ceremony over…go to class lor…

i still stick wif the indon guy. same class n same course. place are being arranged n written on blackboard. get my seat…waiting for sensei. i forgot who is the first one who greet me, but i do feel warm wif the greeting. they r frenly, i juz sit still on my seat n piles of ppl greeted me. not as wat ppl said, they dun bother us if we dun go forward. ya…i suppose is it bcoz of here is village? hm…

after some briefing, skul end. went to the nearest town wif my seniors. taking ferry out is so troublesm ah…no choice! lastly get to buy my camera n elec dictionary…cheaper than buying online. ya… i shud go n survey earlier. went to 100yen shop, wow,,, really can get anything u wan wif the 100yen…quite rushing of time…my senior like to eat. he brought me to super n bought some tasty food…wow…i struggled for quite a time whether wanna buy the camera o not…think tat may buy online cheaper o wat…lastly, i think i cant wait anymore lah. juz buy it! satistied…yeah…

back to hostel…lastly c my senpai. he welcomed me with a big smile but not big hug. hm…started to chat, feel like getting an old fren. tok bout old skul life, how his flight delayed, how’s life here, y din he contact wif other seniors n else…he said he’s low profile. ya…mayb… but he’s nice n frenly. hm…thax god i got a good senior. not to say hope him to take care over me, but at least that’s someone there tat i can hope for ah…the whole nite….chatting wif him til quite late ah. luckily my bm stil ok ah…if not meet same malaysian oso cant tok much then sure die lor…haha! that’s it…a nice day ya i shud say…