Story Bout Me

last year birthday, i had a thought. this year birthday i think wont be anybody celebrate for me, mayb juz a normal n peace birthday. bcoz i come to here so far away, n i am alone. but i was wrong…

Thanks to Su Ee being the first one who send me birthday card.

Thanks to Siew Ling being the first one in japan who send me birthday card.

Thanks to Fong Zyin being the first one to call me n greet me.

Thanks to King, Ejat,Ayu n Doink who wish me happy birthday although u al r busying wif ur exam studies.

Thanks to My best fren ahoq being the first one called me sharp at 0000hr japan time.

Thanks to Salehin being the second one to cal me.

Thanks to Soo Sing being the first one cal me sharp at 0000hr malaysia time n sang for me birthday song. really touching…

Thanks to May Chuan sending me mails n frenster msg.

Thanks to my little bro sending me an ecard for the first time.

Thanks to HS sending me nudge in MSN as my bday present.

Thanks to Yenling n Szeting sending me hp mail.

Thanks to Ponik sending a flash created by himself.

Thanks to Umi, Loke Eng,cheong, esham, Ah Boon n my Japanese teacher sending me a early morning bday greet.

Thanks to shu yen, yen hoong, Mook,　May Ching, Kelly, Syaz, Kang Wen, Sab, Yuan Yee, Faizah,Lilin, Kristyn, opi, Min Ley, ahoq n sky juice leaving a birthday greet in my testimonial.

Thanks to Kuan May n Wai Ting sending me a ecard although we r like long time lost contact oredi…

Thanks to William, Audrey, King Fei, Sinyu, Loqx, Yue Ling, Pei Kwoon,Liang n Allysson sending me greeting frenster msg.

Thanks to Sin Hui sending me the lastest DVD starwars III as she sacrifice her first time to me—first time buy DVD.

Thanks to my lovely Sensei Yoshida sending a memorable photo book, card n teas wif ur greetings…

Thanks to Shi Han being the last one who wish me…

Lastly my bday over ah…hm…i have a really great bday. Thank who? thank god blessing me…i do appreciate ur words, ur cals, ur wish, ur present, ur songs, ur greet n ur love. u make me warm in this 17celcius temp room…

guess i din leave anyone here…is there any card tat stil havent reach? o juz wanted to post? when i fall lonely, wif al these greetings, i will gain back my power. although we seldom contact, o even i forgot ur bday, thax for remembering my bday yah! never think of, although i am alone over here, not many of them in skul noe my bday actually…but stil a lot of frens remembering it…thax yeah! i am not mistaken, chooing u u n u as my frenz…thank you very much ah! always keep in touch……thax ya!

do u noe a drink called calpis? hm…i never noe it, til i went to my japanese teacher’s house, it’s kind of drinks made from milk n beans. hm…i wonder is it sold in malaysia? can someone tell me? it nice, n now i am mad wif it. tat r diff kind of calpis here, for normal one, it’s in paper pack tat gotta mix wif water. the first time i drink, was a boy tat took strawberry wif me made for me. the first time was very nice, but when i go n look for it at the supermarket nearby, there was no paper pack one but in bottle. try n drink, it’s tasteless, so din mix wif water. when i tel japanese, they al gave a shocked respond. eh!? not sweet? can drink like tat? later onli i found paper pack one, n oso can one. the can one different from the bottle one, soda drinks. haha..n my fren told me tats banana favour, orange favour, strawberry flavour n so on…

mayb u dunno wat am i toking bout…for those stay in japan, go n look for it ah. in malaysia mayb isetan selling it. strongle recommend, n bcoz of tat…a had a topic to tok to a gal…haha!

stil rmb the moment i ran on the track in Kompleks Sukan Kg.Pandan a gal shout " ghai leong, ka yao!". haha…n i never tok to tat gal after all. today, sport class got test. wat test? physical fitness test.we hav to complete 4events. 50m running, long jump but no running, throw softball n 1500m ah. i past, juz bit past. ha…juz cant imagine how can i won medal in sports day. thought back the moment i ran on the field when i was strd.6 n hurted. n represent skul to 4X100m events n praised by teacher i was the one ran fastest to win a gold. n secondary skul i din become the sportsman, but there a one or two pieces of medals at home ah. but today, wow, dying. passing time for 1500m was 7min 30s, n i ran 7min 11s. n mostly the last. 2 person behind me din pass, gotta run for another time. how lucky i am. i jogged sometimes when i was in UTM. but stil, definitely cant compare with them. wow…how shud i do? even i joined volley ball club, dun nothing shows tat i become slimmer.

n last sat, i went did a good thing ah. went to paddy field did paddy planting. haha. for the first time i enter paddy field, back to the sun, planting the small plant of paddy into dirt water. it was very funny, n i really enjoyed. mayb bcoz of first time…haha! i even drive the track for carrying things around one. very slow, but after bout 2 months i never drive, luckily i stil managed to bring it nicely. promised them to go there in summer to help them…haha! think tat, in my mind thinking of i wont hav chance to do this kind of things again, feel like every thing become very interesting. n tat day, again took frest n sweet strawberry. season for strawberry almost over ah, i wasnt tat like strawberry, bcoz of strawberry i took in malaysia was definitely not tasty at al. hm…treated al the strawberries to my jap frens, they seems to be like love it very much. but seriously it was tasty. next time anyone come to japan in spring, u can actually pay bout rm50 n eat as much as u can in 30minutes o took urself in the strawberry farm, bout rm4 for 100g.

hm…2 more weeks to exam ah! gotta study ah, lately bc watching anime…haha! mayb gotta start planning for my summer hols oredi ah. bout 7 weeks…how shud i spend. hm…thinking…

看着被包扎的拇指，有种感触。我从以前少参与运动，可以说我可以玩很多运动，但是就是玩玩而已。从不会到会是一个很远的距离，但似乎比从单单的会到专业来得简单。最近的练习渐渐地变得无趣，因为有种没进步，学不会的感觉。可是，我不能就这样放弃。我才学了一个月，常常被队长称赞，他也对我很大的期望，可是看过比赛的录影之后，我在想我有没有可能达到这种地步？怎么说，我还是一个比较懒惰的人，要我用完时间在运动上，生活似乎变得没趣。我想我是第一次受伤吧！也不是什么很严重的，可是被抱扎着，有种我做过，我拼过的感觉，而那也是队长替我包扎的。那也是中朋友的温暖吧。虽然他说只是训练的时候才需要包扎的，但是就是莫名的不愿拆下。明天吧！不然会被很多人问的。。。

忙了好几天，又回来当我的讲古老，太多故事参杂在一起，我也忘了哪一些比较股市比较有趣了！

这几天再忙什么？忙出去玩，忙功课，忙学会活动，忙看卡通，忙应酬心情。

这几天心情一再地起伏波动，莫名的振作不起来，我一直都在问自己，这样下去我还要怎么过这三年啊？没人懂，我也不知该怎么去改变。我看似过得很不好，但是突然间我会告诉你一个很开心的故事，因为不开心，所以一件小事也会变得很开心吗？或许吧！

上星期的周末，我一再出去玩了。这次没走很远，到我朋友的学校去。两个小时的船程，到了他那偏远的小岛。听说他的地方比我这儿还要乡下，所以亲身去看看。码头看似新建的，有件看似壮观的超市，原来里头还有些店铺还未开张营业。自己走啊走，迷路了才打电话给朋友。结果因为他要赶他派对的时间，我坐上新买的越山脚踏车，在我那么重的人的确比较吃力，我喊叫着做不稳要跳下来的时候他还是不愿停，结果我的鞋底卷入他的脚车轮，我的鞋底脱了，他的轮胎铁丝断了。真倒霉！出席他学校日本人和留学生的美食交流会，吃了很多不知名的食物，有斯里兰卡、中国、寮国、蒙古、马来西亚和日本的。谈不上很好吃啦！但是至少吃了很多地方得料理似的。我就只管吃！随后就到别岛去逛逛，因为它的岛上就只有一间超市而那超市其实只是比一间杂货间高级一点点而已。那岛上没什么好的，就只是宿舍前就有海滩，有一望无际的海岸，或许我会比较喜欢那儿吧！在那儿过一夜，朋友为了不吵醒我睡在地上又没被没枕头。我半夜起身时，看他缩成一团的样子，真是过意不去！给他一半的被，连鼻鼾声也打响了。第二天没干什么，回宿舍。途中还到了叫今治的地方流浪一下。人烟稀少，我在想这是日本吗？三两间老妈级的服装店，几间书店几间西药行。少得可怜！走着走着，终于看到人了。看到一些比较先进的店铺。我走过两旁满是树的道路，我曾经以为只有马来西亚才有的。买了人生第一次只到脚跟的短袜！以前看朋友穿自己也想要，但是都不曾自己买袜子，就罢了！来到这里，注意看看，每个人都是穿这种袜子，突然觉得我脚上在这属于高袜的NIKE袜子，不禁有了买袜子的念头。36令吉三对，使这种价钱了吧！走啊走，差点赶不上船。跑得上气不接下气的，幸好我没有迷路。

星期一的Soft Ball，中文叫棒球吗？人生的第一次。在这里每个人都会玩的，我就凭着老师教过一次的经验，糊里糊涂得上了一堂课。游戏的时候我成功地击中球，可惜我跑得比球慢被踢出局了。就那么的一次。

昨天有堂日文课，有份功课叫写感想。我长篇大论的，我在申述寂寞。说着我无法适应这里的圈子，听者朋友愉快的故事，有种羡慕，带着祝福，怜悯自己。是我不愿放开自己，还是世界不愿跟我妥协。上星期日语老师给我们做了一些心理测验，说是为了了解我们，想些对我们最好的教书方式。心理测验结果说，我太过压抑自己了，凡是谁有要求都不会拒绝。你这样觉得吗？我想我的样子比较可怕，没有谁会来要求我什么。嘻！还说，我不懂得表达自己，躲藏在一个人的世界里头，可能会因为过于玩乐而忘记了现实。看到这样的结果，不禁地笑了笑。我似乎太过玩乐了。。。

我一再地陷入寂寞，一再地爬起来，混入繁杂的世界去走我少少的寂寞，慢慢失去自己。会这样吗？其实寂寞是一种力量，让我去珍惜另个人，让我去察觉另个人的存在，让我觉得世界有温暖的时刻。可是陷入寂寞之后的我，往往还拼命的往里头钻，无法自拔。

活在这个世界就快20的年头了，我开始想，接下来我应该做什么？生活为了做自己喜欢做的事情，我喜欢做的事情是什么了？难道我一生就恍恍惚惚地过吗？我就是无法百分白用心念书，该怎么办？想。。。。。。。。

Saya bangun pada pukul 7 pagi. Selepas gosok gigi dan cuci muka, saya pergi ke kantin makan sarapan. Sarapan hari ini tidak sedap. Selepas itu, saya pergi ke sekolah dengan basikal. Rakan-rakan semua bising dalam kelas. Saya tidak berbual kerana saya tidak pandai bahasa Jepun. Pukul 12 tengah hari, saya pergi ke kantin sekolah makan tengah hari. Kami beratur semasa mengambil makanan. Sekolah habis pada pukul 2. Saya pergi ke bank untuk membuka akaun bank. Saya berasa letih, lalu balik ke bilik tidur sekejap. Pukul 4 petang, saya pergi ke latihan bola tampar. Latihan sangat memenatkan. Pukul 7 malam, makan malam. Makanan tidak sedap juga. Selepas makan, saya main internet sampai sekarang.

今天一早被不知什么梦弄醒了，起来的时候我还记得我不知向谁招手。看看钟，早上6点，可是天都亮了。我真无法相信，但还是睡去了。来到这儿我没看过日出，但是就是没法相信早上六点天那么亮了。7点多起身，脑海里一直翻腾着昨晚的事情。想着，我似乎有一大班以前一起念两年日语的朋友，昨天的会议式聊天，让我觉得格格不入。他们是我的朋友吗？一时陷入寂寞，真得很空荡荡的感觉。怎么又是这种感觉啊？我是因为寂寞才开YM，还是开了YM才令我寂寞。有时就这么上线，主动打招呼的人没有反应，也没人主动打招呼。我在想，我应不应该退出那个世界，让自己好过点。怎么一大早又陷入这样的情绪啊。。。我。。。真的像别人说的，没办法一个人吗？

我带着一大堆的翻版MP3，冒险带到这个岛上，我没把那些歌曲放进电脑，也很少拿出来听。我很喜欢听歌，所以准备了那么多CD，家里带不过来的CD也用了我不少的投资。可是我来到这里，我宁愿收听收音机，也少开歌来听，而且还是听马来西亚电台。为什么呢？原来，我想要听人说话，就算是广告也好

朝おきたとき、学校に行くところの学生たちの姿が見える。そんなに早く学校へ行くのはどうしてかなと思っていた。私の場合は、いつも授業が始まる２分ぐらい前に着く。早く来るとは思わなかった。毎朝のニュースを読んで、ゆっくり自転車を乗りたいから。ある子は学校がすきだって、友達がいるから。今日、やっとわかった。私は早く行っても、じっと席についていて、誰ともしゃべらない。授業が終わった五分の休憩もそうだった。ほかの人は必ず集まって、何かしゃべる。私、しゃべりたいしゃべりたいけど、言葉に自信が無い、わからない場合もある。このようになった私。読む後輩心配しないで、みんな違うから、ただ自分がどうするだけ。

Kepada member2 jumpe kat osaka hari tu, terima kasih ah. da lame x rase kebahagiaan member. sorry sbb kekadang tunjuk muka, serius aku x puas ati gak mase tu, aku lebih rela jalan mane2 drpd lepak x de keje, bukan sengaja aku nk bwak g kedai x halal, aku pn x tau gak. gtu ah, terharu mase korang tepon aku bila aku hilang diri. minta maaf gak buat korang bimbang. tu la aku, mungkin sbb da base jalan seorg2 kut. tapi mmg epi lepak kat tepi sg osaka. ble2 lepak sane lagi! mase tu yg paling aku suke. kat karaoke plak, bukannye sume nyanyi pn. tp, sekurang2nye aku ngan nik dapat lagu kami. lain kali g karaoke mesti nyanyi lagu ni lagi, paham la aku ni nyanyi x sedap eh…

this week onwards, i will be very busy. will be at skul at the time b4 the sunset. mon, wed n thur got volley ball, tue n fri got japanese class, al til bout 6-7…tue nite somemore got tea ceremony club. wondered y i joined so many things, but rather than staying in my room rite? hm…japan, i already travel from west to hiroshima, north to maizuru, east to kyoto, if tokyo not consider as travelling. mayb u dunno how is the geography of japan, but nvm. this weekend i will be outing again, goin around in this few yrs time, i totally new place. later i will move on to countries nearby, korea taiwan china hong kong n even mongolia, n mayb russia n hawaii. got ppl asked me wat the purpose i go around n wat get at last? yeah…u cant c, but it’ s in me…

昨天第一次跟哥哥聊MSN，感觉总是怪怪的。以前在家里平常都不会聊上几句，在网上他问很多关于我这里生活的东西。我只是负责回答，没有多余的答案。从以前他们不曾多过问我的生活，现在要讲故事，也只能从很表面的开始。很多很多他们的不知道，让我自在逍遥地过。

昨天即了一些黄金假期的照片回去。每每寄照片回去的时候，都有种莫名的感触。很多人都觉得我对家人很糟糕，但是实在的，我藏在心里最深处。不曾表达出来，也没有和谁说。怎么说，就是这样了。。。

收到爸爸回复的邮件，最后一句，妈妈想跟你讲话。好几次了，讲电话也好，写邮件都好，爸爸都会把妈妈搬出来，好比我去旅行很久之后，爸爸会说，妈妈想你啊，几时回来？妈妈担心你啊，还好吗？我知道，妈妈，其实也是爸爸。

有谁与生俱来就懂得珍惜

有谁与生俱来不曾失去过

得到与失去之间 哪一个比较刻骨铭心

如果你有重新选择的机会

你还会不会选择同样的路

常常被人这么问 但也已经回不了过去

在追梦的当儿 谁预测得到要失去多少

谁有知道最后达成梦想之后 是得到还是失去？

得到的空虚 让人寂寞

失去的痛苦 让人发奋

我在追寻我的梦想 偶尔停下脚步看看自己曾经拥有的 曾经失去的

我会带着你们的祝福

飞到更高更远的地方