Story Bout Me

Today, I had a date with a 60 year old grandma. Nothing else, she is just my host family. I’ve learned a lot from her.

She brought to a Warship Museum. She seems like she had went there before and she showed no interest with those historical monuments, so I didn’t go through the museum that well. But I don’t think I will go for the second time.

She is 60 years old. She started her piano lesson last year. I can’t imagine a 60 years old people still can learn something, but it’s true. I do agree if you say japan old people are stronger, but if they can do you think you can’t? I went to her piano teacher’s house with her for a short lesson. I met another old man. He has been to Malaysia for 5 times, and now he was retired I think. He played the song ‘I left my heart in San Fransico’ while singing. I can see his nervous, his hands were shaking and hard, his left leg and whole body slightly swinging according to the rhythms. And next, my grandma’s turn. She played ‘Memory’. I looked at her when she get scolded by the piano teacher. She was just like a small child, just nodded her head and smile to cover her nervous. She tried her best to get what teacher wants. I think over and over, 60 years old, what will I do that time? I have a thought that I don’t want to be long life, because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone else. But she is learning piano at the age of 60. They may not a proffessional, but with their experiences, they can play a touching song. I really touched and fell deep into those rhythms. I have a friend want to retire at the age of 40. I have a friend keep on saying sien on the net. I have a friend spend his whole weekend doing nothing. I have a friend spending all his free time playing video games. What about me?

I saw pictures behind the sofa I sat. It was the piano teacher when she was young. There was another photo on the piano, she was wearing a dress. I was thinking. Why she chose her young photo to decorate her house? She’s old now, and hasn’t married. There are photos taken when she was singing and playing piano in a concert, while she studied in europe, while she attended a party with her friends. That’s her most bright and meaningful period in her life. She was pretty, I think she’s about 22 years old. What will I do for my next ten years? Will it be my most memorable period in my life? I will be 25 years old when I graduate from University. Can I do something in this 5 years?

I think, therefore I am. I thinking over and over. I was imagining my 60 years old. But I still have to continue my life. I will still work hard for my life. Aja Aja Fighting.

我想要调整回我的生活，希望自己早一点起身，却还是睡到12点。那对我来说或许还是不足够的，起身后还是有种懒洋洋的感觉。泡了即食面来吃，久久吃一次，那是美味的。看书觉得想睡觉，外头弥漫着雨后的凉意，就要喊显的我，决定了出去跑步。

秋天了，外面很凉，穿起运动鞋运动裤再加上风衣，十足运动家的感觉。或许是因为天气凉，气压比较低，呼吸也觉得有点困难。也不知为什么今天特别有劲，跑了一段4-5公里的路，却没有上气不接下气的感觉。我不是一个常常运动的人，这距离对我来说，好远了。或许好奇心分散了我对远的注意力，因为我今天又选择了一条没走过的路。看着路边的橙树，有个想去摘采的念头。那是橙树，我没有太大的惊奇，因为我8岁的时候，妈妈告诉我马来西亚没有出产橙，外国才有的。而后来的后来，我知道那外国是四季国家，而那后来，我知道我要来到日本这个四季国家。我去过草莓园吃过又甜又大的草莓之后，对于四季国家才有的水果，我似乎少了份惊喜。我看到过了苹果树，粟树（那种在茨厂街用大锅参杂着黑黑的石头炒的东西）还有橙树。这里还有梨树，樱桃树之类的，但我还没看过。你家前有种过香蕉树吗？那可能是德国刚出炉的女首相，或是最新的诺贝尔医学奖得主没看过的一棵树。原来世界上有这样的树？那可能是他们看到时的反应。你不觉得光荣嘛？你应该光荣，好过你去想生活怎么那么无聊。一面跑步一面寻找成熟的橙，找不到，或许还没到成熟的季节。我看到有48只乌鸦从我的天空飞过，还有发出‘嘎嘎’声。战神里的零说，生活百态是上帝创造的美。一路上我看到三个老人家，我想其中两个人打招呼，一个人叫我加油。我想着今晚的晚餐要怎么弄，今晚该做些什么。

我回到宿舍，发觉另两个印尼的留学生出去了。幸好我明天也会出去，这样才不会落寞。我拨了一通电话给妈妈，谈了38分40秒。很久的一通电话，因为那时网络电话，感谢写出这软件程式的那位先生，及让我无限使用网络的日本政府。爸当产业经纪，2星期了，还没做到一单生意。听说爸说几十年来第一次星期六还要上班，听说爸要上诉以前的公司要求赔偿，听说哥做工常搞错数字被叫重做，听说弟弟考完PMR后去洗车一天赚30令吉。我在担心家里会不会不够钱用，哥哥会不会被辞，弟弟会不会只看到钱看不到书。我想爸一天没有开口，我也不应该担心太多。但我总会想到我要更努力，来保障他们以后的生活。我去打一场保龄球要30令吉，买给朋友的5粒苹果要30令吉，搭一趟的士要30令吉，买一件大减价的衣服也要30令吉，而弟弟从早上10点工作到晚上7点才30令吉。希望他是享受跟朋友工作的乐趣，希望他明白苦工赚的钱太辛苦了。我在这里工作的话，一小时也大概有30令吉了。自从我知道家里出事之后，我变得不太用钱，脑袋里的计算机功能也加强了，自动把日元换去令吉。不管怎么样都好，我知道我还是必须在这儿生活，我不能因为那些事糟蹋了我的青春时期。我还是会偶尔出去玩，我还是会想在明年到中国去游玩，我也会想用发闷的时间去打工。

晚餐，我煎江鱼仔，加在捞了酱油的白饭。我不知道多少人会吃不下这样的一个晚餐。但是我体会到一种简单的幸福。也可以说我是懒得去弄复杂的晚餐，也可以说我不想花钱到超市买料，就只用雪柜里残存的材料。那种使生活中的一种简单。或许我的味觉跟记忆体没有连线，我知道那里有好吃的店，但我不记得我吃过的那好吃的味道。如果吃只为了填饱肚子过生活，那酱油捞饭就好了，为什么还要埋怨食堂的菜怎么那么难吃。我是为了吃而生活，不是为了生活而吃，所以我就算每个周末自己煮来吃，我还没试过重复煮同一道菜。网上的免费电视播放流星花园陪伴我的晚餐。那是我很喜欢的一出电视剧。中四的那年我用了48小时看完的一出电视剧。很多人说那只是4个不会演戏的花瓶，但我看到4个人的友谊，海枯石烂的爱情，逆境求存的坚强，失去自由的富家子，和那我达不到的世界。我在看着《蛋白质女孩》，看到更多为什么坏坏的男生会让人爱得更深。一个千依百顺，一开始就说爱死你的‘好人’，和那时冷时热，让人摸不着的家伙，哪个会让人爱得更深？现今的爱情是富裕的社会的产品。试问饿着肚子不知道明天有没有饭吃的过去的人，有没有时间想爱情啊？所以现在的人往往喜欢在爱情上犯贱，越难得到的那个，自己却陷得越深。

扭开电视，翻转着仅有的六个频道。恰好开到一个教育性的娱乐节目。100日元（约3.50令吉）你可以做什么？为那些冒着生命危险喝已被污染的河水的孟加拉人换取400L的净水，为泰国东北部7个付不起午餐的小孩解决他们的午餐，为5个印度小孩买课本，为17个脱水症的非洲小孩买一天的药物等等。我不知道实际上那是一个怎样的世界，我也不是今天才知道这回事，但我还是流下了两行泪。我想起那些吃两口饭就说饱的人，嫌白开水不好喝的人，埋怨爸爸不买车给他的人，整天在网络告示板喊无聊的人，用50令吉买一件不知道自己不会穿的衣服的人。是上天注定他们和我们活在不同的世界，还是他们自己不懂得去寻找生活的出路？我也不晓得，看到他们，我只觉得很多东西都很讽刺。所以我重来就不明白为什么明知道自己吃不完的白饭，却在自己盛饭的时候不盛少一点的学长，也不喜欢看到自由餐过后留下的食物。我也不明白这里喊说花马来西亚人民的钱很过意不去的人，却在另一头买自己喜欢的衣服。我也不见得很节省，但我就只花我有的，也不说那种过意不去的话。我看不起那些被要求捐钱的人，说他去年捐了1令吉，另一头请女朋友看两个小时就完的电影。太多钱，太少钱都会烦，身上的钱多了，用的钱也多了。我也发觉自己渐渐忘了花在物质上的钱，却去追求现在达不到的物质。我想我以后不会拥有豪华的汽车，会迷路的房子。我会想去帮人，我不知道我能不能帮助那些没饭吃没水喝的人，但我会去寻找在自己国家里无法温饱的人。捐钱是更简单的方法，但我不知道那要被抽多少巴仙的税，才到那些需要的人的手。我还是会用不纯朴的方式生活，想去打工让自己生活艰辛一点，这样才会觉得生活至少有点意义，而不是成天过着自己不懂在干吗的生活。我曾埋怨父母为什么人家有我没有，现在回头看看，原来我也有很多别人没有的。我几时会忘记这回事沉溺在物质的世界里头？我希望我不会，我会常常提醒自己。

I’ve thought of something today.

I should love what am I doing now. I was struggling so much, that why should study those electronics stuff that I don’t even know whether it’s right or not. Teacher just telling us all the facts and names, which I don’t how it exist. But today, I’ve told myself, I have to love what am I doing now. No matter what. I’ve no choice to chase away, rather than hating it everyday, love it will be better. I’ve thought of studying as much as I can, for me to understand. Last exam, I didn’t understand some of the subjects till the day before exam. I just spent few hours, understand as much as I can, and memorise all of it. Result was not that well, but not consider bad too. As I just used few hours for that papers. Will I succeed to do what I thought? I have a small aim, to score 100 in all the papers. It’s not impossible, because in this world at least that’s one person can do it. I’m mad? No, I just had a great thought. My result, as usual, called swing clock system. The first time I scored well, this time, I relaxed myself a bit, that’s sometimes, I heard others said, It’s rare that I got that kind of score. I’ve built a good image. I knew I won’t score that good, because I didn’t study much. But still, I do care when I got bad results.

I always have some weird thoughts when I was attending the class. How can teacher speak such a fluent Japanese that I couldn’t understand? It sounds stupid right. But because of that, I try to improve my Japanese. I was always thinking that, 2years and 4 months ago, I didn’t even know a single words of Japanese. And now I am studying in Japan with Japanese only whole day long, I even read Japanese novel, and able to understand Japanese movie without subtitle. I really admired myself. How can I do it? I believe scientist said that, we are just of 0.4% of our brain. So just input everything that my brain able to keep.